...realized my hatred for school buses

I like to drive, and since I commute to school, it's something I end up doing quite a bit. But I don't like school buses. Unfortunately my departure from school is typically synchronized perfectly with the release dozens of yellow bastards of the road. I've never liked school buses. I abandoned them as a means of transportation as quickly as possibe. 4th grade found me walking over a mile to school, leaving almost 40 minutes before I had to arrive, simply to avoid riding school buses. I figured that if I no longer rode buses, they would disappear from my life, except for the punctual nightmare of bus drills. Boy was I wrong. School buses are any drivers' nightmare. Try to tell me that you've never muttered a single profanity while sitting behind a school bus offloading an unending stream of kids. Do it, you wont! And then there's the little kindergartner that's halfway through the door of his house when he remembers he left his GI joe or Blackberry in his seat and goes tearing after the bus in tears. The superfluous blinking dancing stop signs stand up on the side of the bus, telling you to WAIT, there's children on board this vehicle, sir! Since I hate school buses, the drivers can't quite escape my wrath either. They bill themselves as protectors of the children; any error committed on their part can be conveniently covered up by saying "it was some other reckless driver....I was just trying to protect the children!" That's bull-honkey. Go into the town drinking hole on any school night and watch these "protectors of children" talk about the little bastard they wrote up for swearing on the bus.
If any one of these protectors of the children may be having a bad day, like I recently experienced, they can gain complete satisfaction from their total ability to FUCK with other people on the road and get away with it. As I pulled into the left lane to get around a bus of screaming bambinos, the bus driver checked her mirror, saw me, and then threw her turn signal on and also began vying for the left lane. I honked my horn, and she retorted with her air horns, then pointed towards the back of the bus as if to say, "SIR, there are children on board this vehicle, show some damn RESTRAINT!" So I slowed down but never relinquished my position in the left lane. After about a mile, Pricky the bus driver popped on the right turn signal and returned to the right lane. Were it not for bus drivers' handy habit of writing down license plate numbers, each kid on the left side of the bus would have learned a new hand signal or two.

Disclaimer: as many of you may realize, my blog is pretty offensive. I am not apologetic about this in the least. Instead I would ask all offended parties to seriously consider whether they are offended by who I talk about (in this case busdrivers/buses) or how I talk about them. It is not my wish to offend those who aren't deserving, so If you're a bus driver and youre reading this, unless you like to fuck with people on the road like colleague did today, don't feel offended!

I don't hate all busdrivers though:


Keepin it real. . .

 I'm artsy as fuck